Roger's Rating:

There are many forms of entertainment that use the "Legends" title to attract viewers. All star weekend has the legends game, there is a legends golf tour and we even get the legends of rock concerts coming around from time to time. What they leave out of the PR is that these legends all have one thing in common, they're freaking old. It might be all right to see Tom Watson swinging the sticks or checking out just how fat Cecil Fielder got after baseball. Hell, it might even be OK to watch the Beach Boys struggle through geriatric versions of their hits from four decades ago. The same is not always true of the "Legends" of porn. Many of the top babes from yesteryear can be seen and enjoyed in DVD versions of their original performances, but what Bionca Seven has done with this session. It looks like she has women in their thirties, forties and fifties, so I suppose that is rare. How successful with it be outside of the nostalgia hungry porn fan set? I guess we'll have to see.

Bionca sits on a barstool next to Asia, interviewing her for several minutes. Asia looks great and they hit the usual topics. It seems that B has big crush on Asia so she's keeping her all to herself. (See, girls do it to.) They get naked and start playing. Bionca has kept her body in really good shape, but Asia is the real eye candy here. She starts out by working Bionca from behind with a vibrator. The two handed toy action is pretty hot, but it's only a warm up for the anal probing and plastic DP footage to come. When the action shifts, it's much much hotter because Asia is so much prettier. Bionca starts out slowly on her tight pussy, but ends up fucking Asia's snut slit with a dildo and lapping at her clit. Nice energy and great eye candy when Asia is the focus.

Nina Hartley holds court in what looks like the Old Broads Club. Porsche Lynn (When did she come back), Jeannie Pepper are also sitting at poolside with the young one of the bunch, Christy Lake. They reminisce about the old days of porn and there is some interesting conversation going on. It's kind of strange that the youngest girl in this four way is the least attractive of the bunch. They go inside and it's time for the legends to enjoy each other. Jeannie has to be as old as Nina, but she really looks the best of the four. Porsche also looks pretty good. This scene works in terms of energy because all four women love veggie action and it shows. For someone like myself who finds girl/girl pretty boring to begin with, this old folks home four way never inspires anything in me except to remind me to call my grandma. If you've missed seeing Nina and Porsche with things shoved up their asses, then you can get you fill of that sort of action. Just out of curiosity, what is the over/under on the total age here? 160? 180? 200? After all that, I really should mention that both Nina and Porsche have kept their bodies in pretty grea shape, but still this one is good for nostalgia value only.

Sharon Kane talks with Bionca about the move from New York porn to California porn. That's an interesting history lesson, but with 26 years in the business Kim Chambers seems really out of place with the rest of the chicks in this movie, but Bionca really likes her so she added her to the cast. Kim also has some interesting things to say about the biz. Eventually the two women stop talking and start kissing. They each take one of Kim's enormous hooters and start sucking. From there Sharon works down and starts licking toes. Sharon has kept her body pretty trim, but the camera shouldn't zoom in quite so close on her face these days. Kim breaks out a big toys and starts working it deep into Sharon before using a huge on herself as well. There is some nice anal toy play by Kim and Sharon isn't about to be outdone when it comes to taking big fake cocks in her holes. This is the best scene so far because Kim looks so damn hot.

For the next scene, Bionca hooks up Teri Weigel, Jeanna Fine and Amber Lynn. I haven't seen Jeanna is a while and she doesn't look any worse than the last time I saw her, a lot heavier perhaps. Teri is still thin with that flat butt, but I think I like her as a brunette better. Amber Lynn looks so torn up that I can't imagine she's the same chick I used to stroke to when I was a young lad. They team up on Teri and quickly have her screaming like she always does. As much as I like Jeanna Fine, she really isn't in any sort of shape to be working even with other older porn babes. It takes a lot of fingers to fill Amber's pussy, but it's Teri's strap on that pumps her asshole. Amber Lynn anal? About a decade and a half too late.

For the grand finale, all of the women (Minus Bionca and Sharon) are back to go at each other. Nine living legends, a dozen (maybe more) fake tits, a handful of tattoos, more than a handful of trips to rehab and about 400 years worth of woman flesh. Cynicism aside, there is a lot of laughing going on as the women really have a good time together. Since I'm not a big fan of veggie sex, orgies or senior citizens, this big bang is a huge strikeout for me. Your results may vary, however there is a better than average chance you will have your perfect visions of your favorite legend ruined by some of the unflattering angles here. Asia and Kim provide some eye candy, but the rest is only for hard core veggie lovers and fans whose undying love can allow them to cream even over fossilized legends getting it on with each other.

This movie is exactly what it says it is, a legends version for the No Man's Land series. Bionca has gone out of her way to get some of the biggest names in porn history to star in her movie. She also found an entire cast of women who really enjoy veggie action. The end result is a movie filled with scenes that would have looked a whole lot better at least a decade ago. Kim Chambers and Asia Carrera offer the only real eye candy in this flick. The rest of the cast will delight their hard core fans who have always wondered what it might look like to see Amber Lynn and Jeanna Fine team up on Teri Weigel. This one is for nostalgia loving lesbian fans, but will have limited appeal outside of that circle.

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/5/06 1:58 PM