Roger's Rating:

I knew that I was going to be reviewing this Zupko movie this weekend, so I already watched some great stroke stuff all week. I've got another great raincoat title sitting on the desk waiting to pop in as soon as I get through this latest shock fest. Those of you who know Zupko know that he is capable of some great feature work, but he is also quite capable of cutting to the chase and just shocking the shit out of an audience. Normally I don't know which type of movie I'm going to see, but I got a sneak preview of one scene from this movie. Let's just say that Zupko is in full shock mode and he isn't afraid to hit anyone, anyway.

Claudio and Veronica Caine are the narrators in this twisted collection of twisted tales and they are as over the top as anyone could ever hope to see. Drew Lynn stars in the first tale as a bride who is lost in the woods. This Blair Bride story naturally goes badly for blushing bride. She finds a barn, drifts off to sleep and then the weirdness starts. Brian Surewood and Valentino are vegetable people who are very upset when they find half eaten tomatoes near Drew. Upset over the death of their kin, they start attacking her. They dump slop all over her, ruining her dress and pretty much taking away the pretty wedding dress angle. Beyond that, it's basically a redneck rape scene with Brian and Val throwing out endless streams of hillbilly horseshit while slapping the normally cute ms. Lynn. This kind of scene doesn't do much for me, but Drew manages to keep up with the action pretty well, taking it in the ass, getting choked and paying for her crimes against produce with her tender flesh.

Surewood is back, this time as a snake charmer. His pal Mr. Peter is a flea market baker and there are belly dancers shaking nearby. Brian's python turns into Jennifer Steele in full body make up. Naturally she slides right up into Brian's lap and starts sucking his cock. OK, a snake turning into a chick might be strange in most porn movies, but for Zupko, this almost qualifies as a couples scene. It even has the soft music in the background and she slams her hips down into his lap. If you're into body make up, then you get a chance to see Jennifer fuck like crazy until much of her make up is worn off from her action. Eventually, Mr. Pete steps in and puts his dick in her mouth while she's getting fucked. This opens the door for some deep, hard DP. This scene is more interesting and the sex is pretty good as well.

Mr. Pete comes back in full Elephant Man make up to help Valentino attack the very cute Bree Brooks. The set up is long and very annoying as Val slaps her ass and screams at both of them. when the sex actually starts, it's nice to watch this cute girl sucking dick. Just turn down the sound if you don't want to hear Val growling in German. Bree has a nice big ass and you know that it's going to get torn up eventually. First, Pete moves behind her and fills that pussy with Elephant man dong. With the sound down, we get some very good action as Bree rides his cock with her ass. Nice tight shots of her butt being violated. This scene is enough for me to want to see Bree do other scenes.

Now comes the scene that I got to see before the movie was finished. As most of you know I find mixing religion and porn about as erotic as a bucked of lukewarm vomit. As such watching the thoroughly average looking Dannaca Grey get slapped around by Mr. Pete and sucking off Brian Surewood on a cross has me counting the seconds until this one is over. Hey, it's designed to shock, so I'll give Zupko credit for that, but as hot porn, I don't think so. If you like rough sex and sophomoric anti-religious rants, then you are goingto jerk yourself into a little puddle. However, the chances of you finding this more offensive than erotic are excellent, especially if you have any sort of spiritual beliefs at all. As much as I support the right for movies like this to be made, I also consider it a complete and utter waste of videotape and time.

The final scene of the movie is Zupko's first post 9/11 use of the flag in his work. Don't worry, no one is wiping their ass with it. In fact, this one takes shots at the other side. Veronica Caine plays a CNN Reporter outside of Osama Bin Laden's secret lair. When the fire fight starts, she is dragged into the cave by one of his henchmen. They strip her down and begin violating her. There is some funny sub titled dialog going on as Valentino lectures the world while porking Caine's ass with a toy. We all know that Veronica can take just about anything sexually, so no matter what they do, she just keeps taking it. There is a whole lot of spitting on her face and some rough sex that doesn't appeal to me. However, Veronica does show that she can take the rough sex as well as anyone in the business. (and her dialog workis pretty good at the start of this scene as well.) Once the really hard sex kicks in, she just takes it in the mouth and ass like there is nothing on earth she would rather be doing. It may seem like Osama is getting the best of us, but all those fucked up terrorist nuts could just fuck some good American ass, they might not be so fucking frustrated all the time. They shoot on her face and then let other guys from the gang fuck her ass. (well the media fucks us on a daily basis, this is fair play.) Feat not loyal Americans, the terrorists get what they so richly deserve. She rewards the commandos who saved her with another short fuck scene.

It's no surprise that Zupko is looking to shock people with this movie. In fact, if you aren't offended or shocked by something in this movie, then there is a good chance that you're a bit too jaded for your own good. The question isn't whether or not he can shock, but how good this movie is as a porno flick. Well, the freakery level is high, it has a good beat, but can you stroke to it? For the most part, I'd say no to this one. Granted, the Osama scene has some great group action from Veronica and is worth a look. The python scene is the one that really doesn't go for shock and is actually a very nice looking scene. I like a couple of the other girls, but the scenes aren't my speed so I'll have to wait for another chance to see them. Add another oddball long onto the bonfire that is Tom Zupko, this one burns hard, fast and strange as hell.

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/5/06 1:58 PM